There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
