shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
