I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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