I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
