Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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