At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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