i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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