Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
