Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
