Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
