billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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