If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
