I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
