I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
