You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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