Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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