so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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