i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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