I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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