Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He? As in you personified your dick?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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