The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
