he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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