I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
