Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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