So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Randomize
