so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
