Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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