We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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