i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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