I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
