So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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