Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
