My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
