I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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