ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
