Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
