If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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