do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
