yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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