I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
