Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
