Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
