dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
