I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
