so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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