No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
