The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
