You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
