Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
