I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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