omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
