last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
