I am spending my child support on dildos
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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