i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
